I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
