I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
