If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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