Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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