one word: firstdatebathroomanal
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
