and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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