i love accidental penises.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
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I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I party with great urgency now.
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