on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
