I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
