just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
