What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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