I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
