where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
