well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Couch. On fire.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
