There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
