just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
