She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
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Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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