A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
i've created a new STD.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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