I should be sponsored by Trojan
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
