i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Randomize
