You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
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She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
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Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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