She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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