hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
