problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
