It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
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so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
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Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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