you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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