This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
