there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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