Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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