I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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