Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
