He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
