My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Your cock deserves a montage
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Also, beer. Big fan.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
