It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
tequila makes me forget i have legs
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some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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