if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
