So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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