okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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