Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
