Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
