I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
