I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
