I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
