i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
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