If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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