I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
