I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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