just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
