im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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