If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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