Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
