9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
