feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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