Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
