so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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