dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
