I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize