come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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