I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
