my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
