Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
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Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
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Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
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