I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
