They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
