Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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