we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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