I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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