Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
