pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
