i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
