do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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