He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
