jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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