My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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