when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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