she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
