Whats the glycemic index on semen?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
