The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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