Capitaan dildo arrescate!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
so much tequila, so little girl.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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